I have always been a private person. I don't like to share my feelings and thoughts because it makes me feel vulnerable. This has protected me from getting hurt, but has also kept me from getting close to people. I see this now.
I was never good at looking in the mirror. The person I saw was always an inaccurate version of myself. This was the case with real mirrors, but also with the ones in my head. The ones in which I view my own personality. The image of myself that I created in my head was always more negative than how other people saw me. I see this now.
When I met new people, or even when I hung around with my oldest friends, my assumption was always that they didn't like me. I always saw myself as the third wheel, the person that no one wants to be around but they don't dare tell. I saw the people who loved me most as people who despised me. This did not only hurt me, it hurt them too. I see this now.
It has always been a struggle for me to fail. I have to succeed or otherwise I will be punished. This doesn't have to be something big, it can be something as small as having to skip a meal or work out some more. Failing is a part of life. If everything was a success, life wouldn't be worth living. Self-destructive behavior is unnecessary. I see this now.
Looking back at things you've been through and things you've accomplished is what makes you move forward in life. For me it is what makes me strive to improve and change myself. Looking back doesn't only mean pointing out your faults. You should also look back at some improvements you have made.
Sometimes when you're in a situation you think is never going to get better self reflection is the solution. When you're unhappy, you're the only one able to change it. It won't happen over night.
I have been through some tough periods in my life. I got out of them on my own. Maybe I shouldn't have, maybe I should've asked for help. With help I probably would've been back on my feet quicker. I do however have a sense of pride in doing it alone. Sometimes that's how it works. The quickest way out isn't always the best. Regaining happiness on my own took strength and time. But I did it.
